TUNING FORK #70

retaining soul in the material world, year end collection of quotes, etc.

Dearest,

I had a dream a few nights ago that I couldn’t find my way home because I couldn’t remember where I lived or why I was there. A few people from waking life were there, but they were busy navigating to their own destinations. I asked around but not even kindly old ladies could tell me where I lived and thus couldn’t help. I lost the thread of memories and feelings that explained why I was there and where home was.

This has been a crazy year. The first half was very fulfilling musically- there was a lot of synchronistic moments and an album came out of it. The second half was a bigger emphasis on my income generating career- taking on extra freelance design projects, amping up my job search and long term planning, which meant there was less focus on music, but there was still practice and a gig here and there. All the while life happens around you, you see happy things and very sad things. And often we need to turn down the emotions and impulses a bit to get things done.

And there I laid, at the end of 2025, exhausted from saying yes to everything, working all day, and keeping up with the pace of life. I felt nothing but pressure and tiredness. My dopamine system seemed to have turned off. I hadn’t felt lit up in a long time. Sure enough, after days of sleeping, and some light reflection, some open conversation, a few tears and some exercise, I am feeling like myself again. I feel like I’m finding my way back home. Or at least, building a new one.

My goal in the arts is to write and make things that bring out a little inner coherence, for myself and hopefully for others. But I have to make sure my own inner frequency is strong first.

A few things that kept tuning my fork this year:

QUOTES I WROTE DOWN:

1. You can’t worry and pray at the same time. Worry is about fear, prayer is about hope. Next time you worry try a little bit of prayer. (Codie Sanchez)

2. Goal is to be, not to have. Pay attention to your inattention. Struggle for, not against. (quote from book Mark Ax is reading)

3. Do they even really see me? (Dr Fran)

4. Go to the street corner and see all the people pass by and not notice you. It’s not about us (Jeff Bezos)

5. Just take the steps that will help you later (in life) (Chris byars)

6. Don’t believe everything you think (Dr Fran)

7. Why not dress up to celebrate that you’re alive? (Guy Talese)

8. Don’t let the details distract you from your goal (Derek Sivers) music

9. Nothing is worth losing your enthusiasm (Derek Sivers)

10. Creating something bad is better than creating nothing (Derek Sivers)

11. In order to have ideas, you have to have a lot of ideas (Judd Apatow)

12. We aren’t in touch with our inner beauty, so we seek it within our play. (Kenny Werner)

13. Sow an act, reap a habit, sow a habit, reap a character, sow a character, reap a destiny (Samuel Smiles)

14. “The future will be better than you expect it to be. It always has been. You would not have been here if your present matched your past fears, would you?” (Mo Gawdat)

15. Cleaning is good for the soul. (Richie Vitale)

16. People take things personally, that are not personal at all. Just move forward with a smile like most things aren’t about you - because they’re usually not. Makes life & work 100x easier. (Julie Gurner)

17. Being jealous is useless- it keeps you narrow minded and doesn’t put any money in your pocket. If you’re able to be open hearted and be happy for people and accept things in life, you’ll also be able to accept more beauty. (Mom)

18. Use your practice time to express aliveness instead of loneliness (Claude) you’re practicing a different way of being when you play.

19. Don’t take yourself so seriously. Be playful. (Everyone)

20. Keep reaching for more life, even when it’s hard (Claude)

21. Just let destiny happen - live your life don’t be lazy, get sleep don’t be greedy and let destiny happen. (Ma)

22. Your Emotions Are Your Feng Shui. Don’t underestimate your emotions.Your daily thoughts, reactions, and attitude are the feng shui you are creating for yourself. When your mind is chaotic, your luck naturally becomes chaotic; when your energy flows smoothly, your life flows smoothly too. If you often hold onto resentment, your life will be full of obstacles. If you often practice gratitude, things will gradually become smoother (Ma)

MUSIC

“One Rose” by Jon Hendricks, from Recorded In Person At The Trident in 1963. I heard this on Kenny Washington’s Sepia Voices radio show , which is one of my favorite ways to discover jazz and blues vocal tracks I haven’t heard. He’s got great taste. I couldn’t find this recording anywhere so I emailed him and he graciously sent me the entire record from his personal collection.

Betty Carter always helps me get to the right place:

Can’t you see that I’ve got love? Plenty love to give to you

My condition! My condition.. my condition…is chronic!

Billie Holiday got me through the last quarter of this year. I hear what people are saying about her grandma-like voice, but even people who don’t know what jazz is know this is jazz. You know what I mean? Great band, great expression, and she was really her. Classic sound that doesn’t get old for me.

HOBBIES NOT THAT I NEED ANOTHER THING TO DO

I was not a ballet kid but it turns out I like ballet. Something about the elegance, the stretching, and my legs have always been weak. Plus, the Ballet Academy East on the upper east side has a live piano player while you plié.

I like going to the ballet, and I like going to the opera.

Ice Skating is really fun. Maybe in another lifetime. I love the grace and strength it needs.

I miss horseback riding, I miss being able to be semi-serious about that, but I live in the city now.

Pottery was very interesting. I like anything that forces me to get in a meditative zone without having to sit and meditate. I still have a lot of trouble with that.

Fuck it, I really love shopping.

Cooking is so sensual, and cooking with no recipes is my favorite.

BOOKS I LOVED

It was an audiobook year for me. I haven’t actually read anything in a long time, but I just started Candide by Voltaire and enjoying that very much.

Derek Sivers is smart, funny and interesting.

Never Enough by Andrew Wilkinson, a great reflection on the rat race, and never being satisfied.

VINTAGE CARTOONS

CONCLU.

Making an album was awesome. Going out and enjoying normal people things, like bars and shopping and pop-ups is great. Hanging out with friends and loved ones for the holidays was fantastic. Any struggle I had to go through was not fun, not awesome, but confronting obstacles and challenges ultimately gave me much meaning. So many things make up a life, and I’m trying to absorb as much of it as possible.

Best,

Connie